ticket for 2 please

I promise I am a very nice person and I mean no offense by this post,

but I just have to share my story.

I flew to California yesterday on Southwest Airlines. This particular airline lets you choose your own seats. So i walk in the plane and choose a good window seat near the back with 2 empty seats next to me. As i watch people come down the aisle, I am choosing in my mind who i want to sit by me and who i would rather just kept walking.

Scary looking people covered in tattoo's pass me. phew. then nice looking males pass me. darn. then suddenly a lady stops in front of my row and says in an extremely heavy Alabama southern accent, "these seats taken?".

"um, no they are not," i reply kindly.

I watch as she shuffles in the row swaying side to side inching her way toward the middle seat next to me. I had my arm rest down as she sat down in the middle seat, and just as her bum touches the seat i hear a big, "OOOF! darling, could you help me out."

I looked down and saw the arm rest had completely disappeared, and was engulfed tightly into her side. I quickly lifted the arm rest and as i do, i am immediately smashed against the side of the airplane with the other half of her body that was being held back behind the arm rest previously, but had now been freed.

All over my seat.

She then looks at me and says, "sorry honey, i hope I am not smashing you too much. and are you hot? because I sure am hot. but then again i am very overweight so that adds to the heat. Truly hunny, Im sorry if i am squashing you"

"haha, you are fine," i chuckle as i smile awkwardly at her.

what are you supposed to say to that!?

Also, I never knew that you could ask the stewardess for a seat belt extension.

Nice lady though truly.

Very talkative and kind. we had a great conversation... that is until I told her I was a Mormon.

she scooted her "more to love" self a little away from me after that.