a life worth living

Do you ever lay in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling because you can't sleep because your heart is keeping you awake? you just lay there as thoughts of happiness fill your mind and a warmth that lights your chest of fire follows. and as that fire ignites in your chest, water from where ever it comes from all begins to gather in the corners of your eyes, building up until boundaries can no longer contain it. as i lay there in bed, heart on fire, tears dripping down the sides of my face because i am in a horizontal position... It's because these 2 little have decided to drop in from heaven and right into my life.

I lay there and i can't understand why i'm crying. but then i can.

it's as if i will die if i can't hold them. it's if my heart will stop beating if i can't talk to them as soon as the sun comes back up. it's as if my legs feel useless if they cannot run with these kids. it's as if my smile has no interest in existing if it cannot smile along side of Kate and Cole's smile. it is literally as if i cannot breath because my chest is heavy with the power and strength that LOVE brings with it in full force.

Kate and Cole... i love them more than love. I love them more than my heart can hold. they are everything to me. everything. i've never felt love for another human being like the love i feel for these kids. it's real. it's powerful. it makes life SO worth living.

Kate and Cole... you have stolen my heart.

can't sleep

woke up from a nightmarish dream, and now i can't get back to sleep. i successfully ate a bowl of Honey Comb, drank OJ simpson... or excuse me, OJ the juice, checked facebook, and now... blogging. i should try to go back to sleep. it's 4:45am and there are cars outside driving. now, why would anyone ever want to purposely be up at this time in the morning? yuck. i promise you, i will never commit to anything in my life if it starts before 8:30am. lazy? no, it's for the benefit of all those around me. if i don't get my beauty sleep, i am not a happy camper. if i wake up before 8:30 (still early) I am a poop. i am grumpy and i don't want to see your face, so BACK OFF!

woah

sorry... as you can see, it is definitely before 8:30 right now. and if i'm being honest, it's actually like 10am. if i'm awake before THEN, I don't like you.

my teeth feel really gross right now. night breath and the creatures that suddenly live in your mouth when you sleep, mixed with honey comb. yummy. TMI? sorry.

I want to wake up Leslie so i can have someone to talk to, or at least so i'm not the only one suffering, awake before light has even woken up. "excuse me... pssst, Les, wake up. i'm bored out of my mind because i can't sleep and it's only fair that you suffer with me. a good friend would not sleep soundly while her bestie stares at the wall and blogs. les... wake up. woah grumpy... okay sorry i bothered you with my life!"

over reaction? look at the time... now back at me, now the clock one more time, and now look at the ceiling, down to the floor and open your oven and peer inside, and NOW back at me... i'm grumpy, therefore, get out of my way. or at least do what i say.

that's all.

(i decided to end all my blog posts with "that's all" like Miranda on The Devil Wears Prada. i just like the way she says it as she gracefully waves her hand and refuses eye contact. that's all.)