a life worth living

Do you ever lay in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling because you can't sleep because your heart is keeping you awake? you just lay there as thoughts of happiness fill your mind and a warmth that lights your chest of fire follows. and as that fire ignites in your chest, water from where ever it comes from all begins to gather in the corners of your eyes, building up until boundaries can no longer contain it. as i lay there in bed, heart on fire, tears dripping down the sides of my face because i am in a horizontal position... It's because these 2 little have decided to drop in from heaven and right into my life.

I lay there and i can't understand why i'm crying. but then i can.

it's as if i will die if i can't hold them. it's if my heart will stop beating if i can't talk to them as soon as the sun comes back up. it's as if my legs feel useless if they cannot run with these kids. it's as if my smile has no interest in existing if it cannot smile along side of Kate and Cole's smile. it is literally as if i cannot breath because my chest is heavy with the power and strength that LOVE brings with it in full force.

Kate and Cole... i love them more than love. I love them more than my heart can hold. they are everything to me. everything. i've never felt love for another human being like the love i feel for these kids. it's real. it's powerful. it makes life SO worth living.

Kate and Cole... you have stolen my heart.

can't sleep

woke up from a nightmarish dream, and now i can't get back to sleep. i successfully ate a bowl of Honey Comb, drank OJ simpson... or excuse me, OJ the juice, checked facebook, and now... blogging. i should try to go back to sleep. it's 4:45am and there are cars outside driving. now, why would anyone ever want to purposely be up at this time in the morning? yuck. i promise you, i will never commit to anything in my life if it starts before 8:30am. lazy? no, it's for the benefit of all those around me. if i don't get my beauty sleep, i am not a happy camper. if i wake up before 8:30 (still early) I am a poop. i am grumpy and i don't want to see your face, so BACK OFF!

woah

sorry... as you can see, it is definitely before 8:30 right now. and if i'm being honest, it's actually like 10am. if i'm awake before THEN, I don't like you.

my teeth feel really gross right now. night breath and the creatures that suddenly live in your mouth when you sleep, mixed with honey comb. yummy. TMI? sorry.

I want to wake up Leslie so i can have someone to talk to, or at least so i'm not the only one suffering, awake before light has even woken up. "excuse me... pssst, Les, wake up. i'm bored out of my mind because i can't sleep and it's only fair that you suffer with me. a good friend would not sleep soundly while her bestie stares at the wall and blogs. les... wake up. woah grumpy... okay sorry i bothered you with my life!"

over reaction? look at the time... now back at me, now the clock one more time, and now look at the ceiling, down to the floor and open your oven and peer inside, and NOW back at me... i'm grumpy, therefore, get out of my way. or at least do what i say.

that's all.

(i decided to end all my blog posts with "that's all" like Miranda on The Devil Wears Prada. i just like the way she says it as she gracefully waves her hand and refuses eye contact. that's all.)

My Grandma Izzy

Isabell Jean Spongberg

October 19th, 1928

October 3rd, 2011

With humble hearts we pay tribute to our sweet wife, mother, grandmother and friend Isabell Jean Spongberg. Isabell's life revolved around the things that she loved most: her husband, children, grandchildren, extended family, friends and the Church.

Isabell is survived by her loving husband V. Jay Spongberg. Children: Mark, Roland (Sandee), Craig (Robyn), Connie (Stan) Ricks, and Karen (Dave) Schiess, 21 grandchildren, 13 great-grandchildren, brother Russell (Carol) Hewett and numerous nieces, nephews and others who considered her to be their second mother.

Isabell was born in Pocatello, Idaho. Shortly thereafter, her family moved to Long Beach, California where she lived until moving to Orem, Utah in 2004. At her home there was always room for anyone who needed love and care or a hot meal. She promised any of the youth in her ward who attended Seminary that they could come to breakfast any morning between Seminary and school, and there were many who took her up on her offer. All who passed through her door felt her love and appreciated her warmth. She always remembered names, birthdays, and phone numbers. She had a gift for making all those she knew feel loved, worthwhile and important.

She was married to the love of her life, Jay. They grew up in the same ward and attended the same schools. After they were married they were rarely apart, maintaining their relationship together in the family business (Spongberg Mortuary), church and free time together. They served together in the Melbourne Australia Mission from 1999 to 2000. They have always been true sweethearts-from their first date and forever.

Isabell loved Heavenly Father and served Him everyday. She preached the Gospel always in word and deed. She was a great example of Christ-like love. She was simply a loving, wonderful woman who touched countless lives.

She loved to travel and visited many countries around the world. She would make friends everywhere she went, from castles to campgrounds and to neighbors. She made it a point to introduce herself to new faces at Church and made them feel welcome, and often extended an invitation to Sunday dinner.

She loved to have fun and to have surprises for her grandkids. She always had a treat for them in "her secret stash!" She loved See's Candy, milkshakes and fresh pies. In her last days, when she barely ate, she could almost always make room for a Haagen- Daz bar.

Mom is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside. Truly an "Elect Lady".

Mom, you are loved by everyone who has ever known you. We will miss you and think of you often and look forward to seeing you again, as an Eternal Family. We love you.

I am blessed

I. Love. These. Boys.

i was in California, LA this past week staying with some of my buds down there. and seriously, i couldn't ask for better, kinder, more loving friends than these guys here.

I had a blast!!!! and I am so blessed to have become such good friends with these guys here.

saving up for my next trip down there again.

very very soon i hope.

whesla

In case you do not understand the title of this blog post, i will break it down for you. it is Whitney, Leslie, and Lauren combined into one dynamic trio!

My absolute besties right now are these freaking girls right hur...

We are pretty much inseparable, which is a good thing except when they drag me along to late night parties AFTER i have taken my sleep meds... so needless to say, the new people we have met this week think i am a total stoner. pros and cons to that ;)

Les and I are roommates, Whitney and my my dresser and night stand are floor mates. and together we are one awesome

Ménage à trois

wait, no that is NOT the right phrase to use. inappropriate. i mean it in the positive way, like they use it in that song.. never mind.

together we are three dancing, movie watching, nail painting, supportive, got each other backs 100%, most hilarious people, partying, Justin Beiber loving, Ellen watching, Facebook stalking, freestyle rapping into my new app. "I am Tpain", super late night walks to the gas station for Coke, animal loving (except Leslie. spider murderer), laughing together, crying together, and just doing nothing all day together on our days off, RADICAL peeps.

don't be jealous if you are not part of our trifecta, because you're in luck!!!

we are holding tryouts this month on the 17th! so come on out!

(bring current ID, favorite candy bar, and preferably a t-shirt so we can make sure we all three fit in it so we can continue our "open closet" policy.)

;)

love them.

update

Wow, i am getting worse and worse at updating my blog.

here is a little update of my life the past few months:

• signed up and ready to start school at UVU in September setting out to get my BSW.
• i love neon. what is more fun than neon? add in dancing in neon and you have got yourself the time of your life!
• working at Heritage is one of the best things that I have done. i LOVE it and i leave everyday feeling like a better person because i feel like i can really make a difference in these kids lives. they are loving me and i am loving them. doesn't mean i don't have my days when i come home pissed off and wanting to lock them all up in their rooms. but boy oh boy do i love it. i can't wait to be a therapist!
• i am LOVING my new friends that i made this summer. they are pretty much the coolest, best friends ever. We sho love going to Karaoke night at Applebee's. and doing pretty much anything and everything else.
• My days off of work, i have been hanging with my little niece Kate and my sister Ju. they have been in town for a few weeks and they make me so happy. Kate is learning the body roll, drop it like it's hot, pop it like it's hot, and the shuffle thanks to her freaking rad aunt ;)
• Lucy is still alive and swimming. love that little beta.
• my little bro Nate leaves on his mission in about 15 days! ugh... i'm happy for him, i'm happy for him, i'm happy for him.... psh ugh blah. Salta, Argentina won't know what hit em'.
• I have developed a slight fear of certain types of doctors. it's a problem.
• I sill want a dog SO bad!!!!! I go over to Tori's house to see her... and to snuggle with her little dog Nixon while my friends watch the Bachlorette. Nixon licks me to death and sticks his tongue in my nostrils and mouth at times... gross.
• I no longer work at Archivers. It was just way too much with both that AND Heritage. so i finished up there so i could have a little less on my plate.
• My girls at Heritage favorite thing that i do is sing to them while i am staffing the bathroom. they can't all be in there at the same time, so i have to sit on a chair and just chill in there while they doll themselves up. so now, i sing to entertain them and myself. and they love it :) (not really, but they tolerate it and it makes them laugh, so win-win situation.)
• LOVE my haircut.
• best movie i've seen this summer (besides Harry Potter obviously) is Crazy, Stupid, Love. it's adorable.
• I love my bed. i wasn't loving it until a few weeks ago i decided to put my head down where my feet are supposed to go. so i just flipped around and now i have been sleeping great! isn't that funny?
• My bro and his wife leave to Med School in Texas this week D: i am very sad about that. they are my besties.
• I got a few cavities filled the other day and i got totally and completely high on laughing gas. wowzah. no wonder peeps do drugs. you feel invincible and not a care in the world. also I opened my eyes and i had my hand on my dentist's face... while he was drilling in my mouth. he just slowly put my hand down and back in my lap. SO don't do drugs. it can get awkward. for everyone.
• welp, that's all i can think of for now. there is a brief 411 on my life! for those who are dying to know. which is everyone. off to go swimming. peace!

A whole new world

do you ever just want to close your eyes and be instantly transported to a completely different world? one that only exists in your mind, that you painted from the ground up with your imagination and then further decorated it with your passions, hope and dreams. A world all to yourself and no one else can enter without your mind's permission. Everything around you is exactly as you want it, you are in control and there is no one around to tell you what to do, what to think, who to be, what not to do, how to dress, what not to say. No judgements, no problems, no stress, no guard up, no mortal body shielding your soul from complete exposure.

I am on a giant wooden swing, in the middle of the jungle on Avatar. I don't have to pump, and no one has to push me. it swings all on its own as it securely cradles me swinging back and forth, back and forth. Everything lights up every time I swish past it with the wind following at my back. and each time just as I reach the very top climax hight of the swing EVERYTHING is radiating blazing neon colored lights that fill the night sky with a tie-dye combination of colors that remind you that just because it's dark outside, does not mean there is no light. and then wooosh in an instant, i swing right back into reality and I keep calm and carry on with a smile on my face because of the secret magical place I have discovered that is mine all mine.